It's Becoming Obsessive...

Weight... It's a world wide issue. People are too skinny, too fat; people just aren't good enough seems to be a common theme.
I posted back in February that I was going to get back to it no matter what and it just didn't happen as easily as I thought it would. I did my cleanse to get me on the right track but at every turn there was an event or something that prevented me from sticking to my plan. When I started this whole journey I was nearly 300 pounds and I just knew that if I ever got on the scale and it said 300 I was going to die. I've managed to keep 47 pounds off but my goodness, I didn't expect to gain so much back. I'm not sure why I didn't have that expectation, but I thought I'm getting in some healthy meals every now and then. And then I stepped on the scale and saw this fat ugly mess in the mirror. That is when I started losing my mind.
I didn't start out fat. I was a thin young girl and then as I got older and secrets that I carried for a long time came out I started covering my hurts with food. I didn't have anyone really and food was always there. Everyone has their back story, people don't want to be fat and if they say they're happy about being fat they are lying. I know the struggle!
So a wonderful friend of mine approached me and said that she would help with the financial end of a program called Medifast. I was pretty sure I'd heard of Medifast and was pretty desperate for any help to lose weight. I just finished my first week and so far so good. However, I have my own deep rooted issues and weight is becoming an obsession.
I know that food cannot possibly love me. I know that I hate what eating fattening high carbohydrate meals do to me. I know that if it weren't for God, my husband, and my kids that I'd rather be dead than be fat. Yes, you read that right. I know that there is no miracle cure to shedding the fat other than working hard to make healthier choices and exercise, I'm well aware. BUT I need a tool that helps me know when enough is enough. I know in my head that I need to make wise choices and for the most part I'm pretty good at that, but as any of you struggling with weight problems know, your mind/brain/best intentions have a way of failing you as soon as all the choices are in front of you. Even a healthier choice can be bad if you eat too much of it. And that is the problem, I can graze like a cow coming and going and if I'm lucky that thing that tells you to stop eating because you're full will ding; however, that is rare.
So, I'm gonna say it... I want weight loss surgery. I want to get the gastric sleeve. I need a tool to help me stay physically aware of my limitations and help me lose weight. It's not all about getting the surgery so I can eat whatever the heck I want, it's about being able to eat foods that I like every once in a while and not having this extreme guilt and shame over it. The problem is that I can't get my biggest supporter on board! And that is killing me.
I'm sticking with the Medifast, but I've considered so many other methods to help aid quicker weight loss results. I've looked into the Lemonade Diet, the Air diet, and other Pro Ana diets that will help shed pounds drastically. The problem is that those methods aren't healthy and I know the minute I make one unhealthy choice I'm going to gain it all back plus some.
I NEED the support of the person I love most because without it I can't do this. I can't do it either way. I need his full support on doing the au naturale way by holding me accountable and/or his full support with weight loss surgery.
I'm beyond miserable. I'm depressed, I'm angry, and I can't stand myself. If there were a way to get outside of me I would. I'm tired of being fat and I'm tired of working so hard to lose just a pound only to gain it back if I choose to go out to eat or plan a ladies tea with friends. I weigh myself every chance I get. I feel like I have to punish myself the next day or at the next meal time for eating a meal out because I was too tired from the day to cook. I'm working out extra to shed extra calories in hopes that I won't gain 5 pounds back from eating a whole taco salad.
I've come to a place where the excuses have run out. I'm so miserable that I'd rather be miserable by myself than bother anyone else with my misery. Slowly but surely I'm working on changing me, but this obsession over weight and the lack of positive support I have is draining me.

Thanks for hearing me out.
Adrian

Getting Fit w/ ZEN!

Most of y'all know that I've done the cleansing and such before and was really successful! However, when the holidays and family came through I let myself and my health take a backseat and well I gained back 23lbs YUCK! Yesterday, I started back on my cleanse and started the new ZEN Shape and ZEN Fit and not only do I feel pretty good, I've already lost 6lbs! There are reasons why the initial weight loss is so much at first but I won't gross you out with those details... I'm ready to lose the weight and keep it off this time, I want to be the me that I used to be but oh so much better! Keep up with my results here and if you really want to see some of your own changes please get started today!

Adrian

Don't Let Big Setbacks Keep You Down

 So over the holidays my husband and I gained back a lot of weight.  I personally gained back 23lbs and to me that's not acceptable.  However, I'm not going to let that defeat me and my weight loss journey! Today I started taking my Zen Shape as well as my Zen Drink. This first three days is the cleansing days of the program so I'm hoping to shed a few pounds. The worst part about the weight gain is the way I feel.  I'm sluggish, my clothes are definitely more snug,  and I'm slightly depressed.  So I'm currently 251 and here I am... Back on the journey and nothing is going to stop me!

Oh My... The Holidays...

I have been so incredibly busy... I have also not been eating right at all. Losing weight is hard and even more challenging I think, when you're a foodie like me! My favorite holiday is Thanksgiving... I think I need to change that... Anyway, I want to put it out there that I have gained 10lbs back! No I'm not happy about it, and that's going to have to change. I typically don't believe in New Years resolutions, but I really want things to change. I refuse to be the definition of insanity! I will not keep doing the same thing hoping for a different result. The comforting part in all of this is that I know I can take it off much easier than I ever thought I could have before. I'm not going to give myself a pass to eat whatever the heck I want but I'm going to enjoy the holidays and get back on it 100% in the New Year. The holiday's aren't just hard for me, they're hard on everyone. So if you're trying to lose weight right now, don't fret about what you can eat or feel guilty for indulging, just give yourself a break and get back on it! In the New Year eating out is only going to happen twice a month. It will help me lose more on my waist line and put more back in my wallet. I'm going to start making easier meals and only one meal for the family not a few meals for everyone. Changes will be happening here very soon and I can't wait! 

Weight Loss Methods - Just Keepin' It Real

This time last year I was nearly 300lbs... Not a happy time in my life at all. Somehow I managed to sustain that nasty weight through the holidays. When I would eat I thought my face was going to explode, I just felt the weight everywhere! I was getting really desperate. Desperate for complete transformation right away! I stopped wanting to take pictures and was manipulating my face just to appear thinner than I really was! Life pretty much sucked! Prior to that I started looking into diet pills, quick fixes, and fad diets...

I want to put a disclaimer out there... No, I haven't done all of these nor do I ever want to, but I know people who have (some of them very very close to me).

Diet Pills
I started taking Metabolife when I was right out of High School; they did nothing for me except give me the gitters even if I split them in half!
Later on in life after I was married, I started taking Quick Slim. Yeah, I took nearly a whole bottle and guess what??? I didn't lose not a pound! I'll admit that the side effects weren't that bad.
A friend of mine tried Ali and suffered a pretty nasty side effect: anal seepage... Yeah, I'll pass!
Another friend of mine tried another pill called Zantrax and his blood pressure spiked supper high! I like my blood pressure where it is thank you!
Then I see all these people selling monthly products that are EXPENSIVE I might add... They may help someone lose weight but it will not help sustain the weight. Oftentimes when people get to where they want and stop taking those pills they gain their weight back if not more.

Take note of this: IF you find something out there that promises quick lasting results and it's in the shape of a pill (powder or patch), they are lying! There is only one way to effectively lose and sustain weight loss. More on that later...

Plexus, Ace, Advocare...
I know people who have taken these supplements for a really long time and they look exactly the same... However the people who are successful are not just taking the supplements... You can't just take these supplements, do nothing else, and expect to lose weight successfully and keep it off! These are some of the things I thought about doing, but the monthly cost is just way too much and you still have to buy food!

Gym Membership
They seem realistic enough... But unless you were into exercise before, you probably aren't going to be one that wants to work out all the time now. Those of us who don't like to workout are at a financial disadvantage when we sign up for a gym membership and that is exactly what they're looking. They look for "go getters" like us that will buy into a contract or pay out $50 or more dollars because it's easy money! Don't fall into that scheme... You can exercise at home for not very much, especially if you've already got the minimal equipment necessary. Most of the time you've already got the equipment in household goods and a smart phone or your Internet...

Fad Diets
I'm not going to go into this too much, but I did try one and I wasn't very successful... I tried The 17 Day Diet. This plan is not the most sound plan because you don't eat enough if any protein in the first phase of the plan. I was so hungry... ALL THE TIME! Honestly, this diet just made me more of a ravenous angry lunatic! There are definitely shorter terms to describe me during that time... Rhymes with "itch!" Anyhow, then I knew people who tried the Eat for Your Blood Type. I've never understood how someone could eat helpings of mac-n-cheese and lose weight... But okay... This is probably the nastiest fad diet... The Baby Food Diet. I'll just stop right there. FAD DIETS ARE JUST THAT... FAD DIETS... If it sounds too goo to be true it usually is!

Weight Watchers and All those other places...
Only about 2% of the people using Weight Watchers are successful because of it... The reason I think that is because one can't possibly gauge how many points 2 cups of Orange Chicken is... I don't think that it is realistic. If you give me 12 points for the day plus a few cheat points I'm going to use them up plus some... I tried it for 3 months and lost nothing but my mind with all the counting. I don't want to count carbs, calories, or anything else, I just want to lose weight!

Weight Loss Surgery
It has helped a lot of people... With that said the people it has helped are the ones who made their surgery work for them. They ate the right foods and took their vitamins like they were supposed to. This is also something that I contemplated... My husband was adamant that I not do this. He had good reason for his opinions on it though. In 2009 my mother did the Gastric Bypass. During this surgery they were also taking out her gallbladder and in the process the surgeon accidentally brushed up against her pancreas. She was in the hospital for over a month. My mom almost died. Death is a very serious possibility during weight loss surgery. She has since recovered from all that and has been pretty successful in keeping the weight off! However, there are also people I know who have lost weight but still need to lose a lot of weight but probably won't. Now in the medical world they've come out with other weight loss surgeries that are supposed to help and sometimes they are made successful. However, I don't recommend weight-loss surgery if you can avoid it.

Eating  
So after really thinking about trying all of the above, it came down to eating... Could it be that all I needed to do was eat less? I can get with that... Well, as an emotional eater, this was not going to be easy. I'd get mad, I'd eat. I'd get sad, I'd eat. I'd be happy, I'd eat. You get the picture. I did learn to cut back and do portion control for about a 15 days and then I was done. Yeah, I'd lost about 5 pounds but I felt more deprived than anything.

Eating Healthy(ish)
So I knew what some of the healthy food were so I'd buy those. I'd even cook them. However, it's not 100% about what you eat, it's about how you make the meal and what you add to it. Goodness, I could turn a half of a small baked potato into 1500 calories easy! Oh and salads... I love it when people are like, "I'm just eating salad and I haven't lost any weight!" Yeah, it's probably because you're a lot like I was... A salad meant: lettuce, tomatoes, onions, mushrooms, carrots, cucumbers, olives, some peas, chickpeas, sunflower seeds, croutons, cheese, and dressing, oh and a little more dressing on the side just in case. Obviously some salads will vary, but you get the drift. That is not "just" a salad, that is 3 meals and where the heck is the protein? That is not eating healthy!

In Review and Getting Real
So go ahead take diet pills and/or the monthly supplements but know that they don't work miracles. Join a gym if it makes you feel better. Heck even try out a fad diet, it's called "Fad" for a reason; they don't last. You can even pay a monthly membership fee for health programs. Better yet go under the knife and have them make your stomach smaller or put foreign objects around it to make it smaller... None of that will ever work if you don't change one vital organ...

Your Brain (mindset)
You have to decide to change your mind. You also have to give the battle up to God. Decide that you alone cannot do it. With God in the front seat you can do anything! All of those things that I thought about trying or did try would have aided me in my weight loss efforts if I would have embraced a different mindset. I am NOT perfect by any means, but I try daily to focus on what is important, what my goals are, and what I'm putting into my mouth. Sure I have cheat days even cheat weekends, but I know and understand the consequences of those bad habits and can move forward! NONE of the above is going to work if you don't make a choice to get your mind right about what you're putting into your body (food). None of these options are a miracle drug, program, or surgery; they are just weight loss aids. Don't get caught up in the "quick" or "rapid" get caught up in looking at food differently. Look at all food as carbs, calories, and sugars... Is it really worth it?

This is harsh, I know, but I know from experience that you've got to put everything into weight loss; you've got to give it your all or the weight will kill you. I know because the weight almost killed me. I needed realness to get my butt in gear and my head in the game, so I'm giving you the same dose that I got! Now it's your turn!

You can be a new you too!

Feeling Fabulous!

My goodness, I can't believe that it's already October 1st! That is crazy how time flies! There is so much that has gone on since the last time that I got on here to update you all on how the weight loss journey is going! I won't bore you with all that though! 

So rewind for those who are just now jumping on here to check out this crazy weight loss blog...

My husband and I were not liking the way we were looking or feeling and he said that we were going to make a complete lifestyle change... I know that I personally started the journey in the 290 range, on a very big day I was the heaviest at 292! I couldn't stand myself and felt so disgusting that I was about to do something drastic in terms of surgery. My husband didn't support that, for me anyway! We got our income taxes in and on February 10, 2014 we started changing our lives! It's the best decision we've ever made! He was right, I didn't need no surgery to get healthy. If any surgery was going to help it would have needed to be a brain surgery... 

Anyway, today as we've established is October 1, 2014 and I am nearly 65lbs down from where I started! It feels great! I'm looking and feeling much better and what's great is the compliments! 

The pictures shown here are my transformation since starting! The last picture there doesn't seem to be much of a difference; however, my back fat under my sports bra is slimming down and my tummy area is getting a little flatter! 

I'm working toward my next goal of 220!!! And I'm nearly there! I'm really looking forward to 200! But even more than that 180! I know that I can do this and I refuse to let the holidays make me mess up my goal! I'm nearly to my goal of 150, just 77.6 more pounds to lose! I GOT THIS! 

You can be a new you too!

Cruising, Hospital, Cheating...

It's been so crazy! The long and short of that last few months... Went on a cruise and gained weight... Came home and my husband went into the hospital not even a week after coming home from the cruise. We were in the hospital for about a week, I gained weight... Then when we finally got back to eating right it was a little too easy to eat unhealthy snacks... I've finally shed the weight from all of that and I'm now at 235! My next goal is 220! So my plan is not to cheat on my plan as often and not to buy crap that will make it easy for me to cheat! I want to reach this goal sooner than later. After I reach the 220 mark, the new goal will be 200lbs! That will make my weight loss nearly 100lbs down!

Just wanted to quickly catch everyone up with me, my life, and my journey! Thanks for reading!

You can be a new you too!